


Forbidden: Mailbox Sex

by Folle (orphan_account)



Series: Sportacus and Robbie Discover the Secrets of the Universe [2]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, i dont fuckin know i wrote this as a prompts, im keeping the god damn title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:46:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8654842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Folle
Summary: Prompt: No one suspects the mailbox.Sportacus is having a tough time sending a love letter to the person he has fallen for, and finds solace in the unlikeliest of places.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by robbiexsportacus on tumblr (which is sportacock).

Robbie was starting to get worried about Sportacus.

Now, now, he wouldn’t ever admit it from being truly out of worry if anyone pestered him about it. No, Robbie would say unease, as any villain would with a hero pacing in the general vicinity of the entrance to his lair. Sportapunt thought he didn’t notice, but _oh_ did Robbie notice.

It wasn’t the only thing that was bothering him. Sportaflop nowadays refused to look him in the eyes. When he was with the children, he was all smiles and wide blue eyes. But whenever Robbie was around, whether it be the ruin the day, or in desperate need of saving, those eyes would stare at the ground and his unending, shimmering, golden boy grin would disappear without a trace. Hell, Robbie’d go as far to say that his _mustache_ would eveb droop a little.

Now, at first, this brought Robbie unending joy. What villain wouldn’t when his arch nemesis looked so miserable. But after a week was when the, ahem, “unease” set it. It was wrong, like seeing Zippy eating sportscandy, or Bazooka Bubblegum lazing around when she could be playing.

It wasn’t until a week after this started happening that Robbie noticed another factor: that stupid elf’s cheeks were red whenever he showed up. A look he didn’t particularly mind, but yet a look that cause his “unease” meter to tick up a bit.

Pushing aside the “unease”, and after checking for any signs of Sportaglum around the enterance for the fourth time, Robbie left his lair with a slight spring in his step. After all, it was the day after Halloween, and there was a ten pound bag of chocolate at the store with his name on it.

It was late enough for the local brat brigade to be at their houses, but not so late that the store would be open. Normally he’d be attempting a fitful nap, nightmares of certain blue elf drenched, and doing flips and flexes in his lair, but his chocolate supply was getting dangerously low.

He was almost to the store when he froze in place, and then scrambling to get into the nearest hiding place: a mailbox. His reason? There was someone in the road ahead who’d start looking like a kicked puppy the moment he saw Robbie.

He was certain that Sportaflippityflip hadn’t seen him, and yet the man- elf, looked like someone was holding a white hot cattle brand to his deliciously delectable ass. Maybe it had to do with the letter he was carefully holding in his hand. That’s when Robbie’s heart dropped, and he was silently praying that Sportakook would head somewhere else. He knew he was wrong, but he was a due a miracle by now.

He knew that today wouldn’t be the day when a blue, spandex covered crotch blocked off his only light source. Robbie then tried praying for another miracle: Sportapus deciding not to look for a little mailbox glory hole action.

It was a stupid thing to waste a miracle on, but hey, at least it worked. Instead of whipping it out, Sportaflop fell to the ground and sat against the mailbox.

“What am I doing?” he whispered to himself.

Robbie dared enough to lean up and peer through the mail slot to see Sportacus staring down at that piece of paper.

“Writing a love letter? Gah, I need to get over this-”

It was then Robbie made a split decision, a gut reaction really, that he regretted immediately. He cleared his throat, and deepened his voice. “Troubles got you down?”

Sportacus jolted forward, and stares at the mailbox with a wild and incredulous expression. “Wha- yes, I am- sorry but who are you?”

“My name is Stefán, the spirit who resides in this mailbox.”

His eyes went wide and practically sparkled. “Wow! I did not know that there were any spirits here in Lazy Town!” He crawled closer to the mailbox, and tried peering inside, causing Robbie to sink down into the pile of letters. “But what are you doing in a mailbox?”

“Um, well, you see, I… could sense your distress! Your love distress! And I came to help.” Robbie practically gagged on the word help. He’d have to wash his mouth out with soap to get the nasty taste out.

“Oh.” Sportacus sat back down and stares at the ground. “But do I really need help?”

“Yes, you dun-!” He smoothed his hair back and had to count to ten to stop himself. “Everyone needs help, and if you really didn’t need it, would I be here? Okay? Now tell Stefán _all_ about your worries.” Well, at least he could get some decent blackmail out of this. Maybe even some good enough to get him to leave town!

“I guess it’s okay then, you would know best.” Sportacus sighs and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. “There is someone that I like, and I would very much like to be friends with him but…”

“But what?”

“But I feel very strange around him, and I think he does not enjoy being around me very much. So I am sending him a letter! But I am worried about his rejecting me…”

“So what?”

“Huh?”

“Listen, this letter is supposed to tell him you want to be… friends or whatever, right?”

“Yes?”

“You’re just telling him about how you feel, and want to be friends, not convincing him.” Robbie’s stomach gurgled quietly, already missing his chocolate. “Just put the letter in, alright? The worst he can do is say he doesn’t want to be friends.”

“… Okay! Thank you Stefán, for helping me get the courage for this! I think I’ll start feeling much better after this!” An envelope slipped into the box, and soon Sportacus was off, his sneakers slapping against asphalt in the distance

Robbie snickered and pocketed the letter. Sportafool just completely made it up for him being stuck in a cold, cramped box with pointy stuff jabbing him in the ribs for five minutes.

He carefully unfolded himself from the mailbox and practically skipped home, completely forgetting about the chocolate he so longed for.

The second was home and in his fluffy orange chair, the envelope was ripped open, and the letter was clutched excitedly in his hands.

>   
>  _Dear Robbie Rotten,_
> 
> _Hello! I bet you are wondering why I sent this. I am begging that you do not throw this away like all the others you burn. I very much want to be friends with you, even if you dislike me. My chest feels tight, and my face feels hot whenever I see you. It’s why I have not been looking well. You make me feel fuzzy and light. And this must mean we are best friends, right? Only the best of friends can make you feel all nice. So please consider being my best friend._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Sportacus_
> 
> _P.S. Please try to eat some sportscandy, it would make me very sad to see you get ill._

Robbie stared through the letter, his eyes glazed over. He couldn’t come up with a string of words to describe the torrent of emotions running wild through his body. One wanted him so laugh so hard he’d pee himself, another wanted him to rub his face into a pillow and giggle, and a third wanted to smack his head against a wall.

He didn’t know how to react, but he did know that he’d need to crack out the shot glass if he was going to be able to deal with this.


End file.
